ave atque vale.

Suddenly my eyes are open,
Everything comes into focus,
We are all illuminated

"You know, when someone prefers their own brother over you, it isn’t a confidence booster. I thought maybe once she realized it would never work out with Jace, she’d give up and come back to me."

Valentine reached through the bars of the cell and laid his hand on top of Jace’s. The rough, callused texture of his fingers felt exactly the way it had when Jace had been ten years old. ”I want to trust you, Jonathan,” he said. “Can I?” Jace wanted to reply, but the words wouldn’t come. His chest felt as if an iron band was being slowly tightened around it, cutting off his breath by inches. (…) ”I must go,” said Valentine. “But we’re not done, you and I.” Jace put his hand to the bars. “Unchain me. Whatever it is, I want to be able to fight it.” “Unchaining you would hardly be a kindness now.” Valentine closed his hand around the witchlight stone completely. It winked out, plunging the room into darkness. Jace flung himself against the bars of the cell, his broken hand screaming its protest and pain. “No!” he shouted. “Father, please.” “When you want to find me,” Valentine said, “you will find me.” And then there was only the sound of his footsteps rapidly receding and Jace’s own ragged breathing as he slumped against the bars.

"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart.” -
Stephen Crane

TMI | They’re gonna eat US alive

"So you’re trying to make her happy despite the fact that the reason she’s unhappy in the first place is you," said Simon, not very kindly. "That seems contradictory, doesn’t it?" 
"Love is a contradiction," said Jace.

"So what was that all about?" 
"I think," Jace said, "that she asked if she could touch my mango." 
"She said that?” 
Jace shrugged. “Yeah, then she gave me her number.”

He stroked her hair back from her face, and she went still. “You’re just going to have to trust me. No one’ s coming for you.”

He didn’t bring the knife out until they left the elevator, and then he said, “I would never hurt you. You know that, don’t you?” even as he flicked her hair back with the tip of the blade and pressed the edge to her throat. The icy air hit her bare shoulders and arms as soon as they were out on the roof. Jace’s hands were warm where he touched her, and she could feel the heat of him through her thin dress, but it didn’t warm her, not inside. Inside she was filled with jagged slivers of ice.

She grew colder still when she saw Simon, looking at her with his huge dark eyes. His face looked scrubbed blank with shock, like a white piece of paper. He was looking at her, and Jace behind her, as if he were seeing something fundamentally wrong, a person with their face turned inside-out, a map of the world with all the land gone and nothing left but ocean.

He tipped his head back to look at her. “Sometimes I dream you’re gone,” he said. “I keep wondering when you’ll figure out how much better you could do and leave me.”

She touched hi s face with her fingertips, delicately running them over the planes of his cheekbones, down to the curve of his mouth. Jace never said things like that to anyone else but her. Alec and Isabelle knew, from living with him and loving him, that underneath the protective armour of humour and pretended arrogance, the ragged shards of memory and childhood still tor e at him. But she was the only one he said the words out loud to. She shook her head; her hair fell forward across her forehead, and she pushed it away impatiently.

"I wish I could say things the way you do," she said. "Everything you say, the words you choose, they’re so perfect. You always find the right quote, or the right thing to say to make me believe you love me. If I can’t convince you that I’ll never leave you -"

He caught her hand in his. “Just say it again.”

“I’ll never leave you,” she said.

My best defence, running from you
I can’t resist, take all you want from me.

© hawtornes